It happens to us all, things are finally on track and you can breathe again and then BAM! I don’t got this.
And it’s ok. It’s ok to fall apart. It’s ok to have no idea what you’re going to do next sometimes. It’s ok to suck at life.
I don’t care that the sign on my wall says I can move mountains. I don’t want to move anymore mountains, I want to ski down them in my cute ski outfit. Preferably without falling. With a glass of wine waiting for me at the bottom.
It’s these moments when you pray the kind of angry prayers, the why. “Why now, why is this happening? Why can’t you just clearly speak to me so I know it’s your voice that I’m listening to?” The kind of prayers that don’t get answered right away. Sigh
It’s these moments where it’s hard to know if we should push through the resistance or listen to it.
It’s these moments we were made for, we were created to do hard things but sometimes I’m just not up for it…again. Sometimes I want to know what’s on the next step because I get tired of climbing the same staircase.
It’s a loss in hope, in an expectation of how we thought it all would go. The faith of trusting the fall can be hard when the safety net seems so close to the ground.
It’s these moments that seem so hopeless that we don’t want to hear about how great things are going for someone else. Selfish I know but true. It’s hard. It’s hard because we don’t see that it’s actually been hard for them too. If we knew they had to have faith in their fall too, we would celebrate their hope, their rises. Their moved mountains. They had mountains. Why I wonder? Is it because we can see ourselves in them, we can empathize with their rise and their fall? Because we know how hard it was to get to the top? Because we aren’t alone in the fall?
I think it’s because we can connect in that, and we’re all biologically hardwired to connect. Truth is that motivational quotes show up because people lived it out and it’s true for themselves. Not because their life is perfection and rainbows… although sometimes I don’t want the top of the mountain perspective.
It’s an up and down kind of life, sometimes that motivational quote can shove it.
I’d love to hear your thoughts…blog me